I weighed myself today. I’m nearly as heavy today as I have ever been and I’m not happy about it at all. I’ve struggled with my weight since late high school, basically ever since I stopped playing sports regularly. Over the years the scale has crept up and up with only a brief interlude while I served in the Navy.

It’s frustrating because I know what I need to do in order to shed the pounds. I even enjoy the process. I relish it. Everything becomes easier, from tying my shoes to walking up the stairs. People compliment me and cheer me on. I have energy and focus and unusually steady emotional health. So why is it so difficult?

Here’s what works for me:

  1. I have to wake up early. Usually this is 6:00 or thereabouts.
  2. I have to go for a walk right away. It doesn’t have to be extremely long, but it can’t be a little jaunt around the house either. Two miles seems to work well.
  3. I have to eat a ketogenic diet (extremely low-carb, high fat, moderate protein). This provides me the regular energy, mental clarity, and helps shed fat over muscle as I lose weight.
  4. I have to eat a caloric deficit. This can be aggressive or relaxed, but I need to keep the calories low.
  5. I have to track my food & exercise. It’s easy to slip out of good habits if I let myself.

That’s it. I don’t need a massive exercise plan or anything. No special equipment needs to crowd my house. When I do these things and stick with it, weight falls away and I feel amazing. I talk too much about how awesome ketosis is, about the dangers of carb addiction, and bore everyone to death. It’s fantastic.

But here I am, still fat. It’s so easy to fall out of habit #1, which means I don’t have time for #2, and then really, what’s the point of #3-5? That’s the way my thinking goes, anyway. So instead of being good and sticking with the plan, I go to the deli and get a sandwich… and maybe a candy bar to go with it. Or I get some fast food, always too much, and chow down. I sit all day at a computer and do nothing except expand. It’s gross.

I suppose this post is another call to myself to snap out of the funk and get moving again. It’s more than getting the will power primed, though. There’s a psychological aspect at play that is dark and troubling in all of this. I see it, but I can’t name it. Will I overcome? Time will tell.