Wanderlust strikes again

A long time ago someone called me predictable in my unpredictability. Not long after the Atlanta trip and interview, I found myself directing a couple of guys around my apartment as they packed up all my belongings. Now I live in my fifteenth location.

It’s refreshing to be back in the South again. There are some quirks of speech and personality here that I find a little annoying, but on the whole the place is a sunshine filled break from my last rural stop. Alaska was definitely my favorite place to live so far, touting both an incredible wilderness, local culture, and a few diners, but there is something to be said for being connected to the rest of the world. It’s nice to know that my best friends are only a drive away, rather than an all day flight.

My job here is also great. I learned a whole lot working at Pango Media about web design and development, and also about the process of working in a small consultancy with quick turn-around times and tight budgets. The experience at a large firm like Moxie Interactive is the exact opposite. I am protected from the wrath and flightiness of clients by my art directors and project managers. My tasks are well documented, and I have a support structure of peers and colleagues whose knowledge of flash and interactive design is on par with my own. When a problem arises, it’s good to know I have someone to turn to.

In the grand scheme of my educational pursuits, Georgia looks like it’s going to be a great resource, too. The path towards the first Tomasino doctorate seems to have revealed itself in two distinct options. I’m still debating which to take, or whether doing both is an option. I think it will probably involve a long talk with my family for some guidance in the near future.

That being said, my direction towards the Church has never been stronger. I’ve done some private writing for myself to flush out some ideas and issues I’ve been tossing around in my head. I feel much clearer these days than ever before. It’s hard to believe that I’ve been discerning for seven years now. The time has just flown by, but I suppose all those years were necessary to take me from where I was to where I am now. It took a very long time before I could have a conversation about it with my parents or even Kristin. There are still friends that I haven’t told directly, though I’m pretty sure nobody is really in the dark anymore.

Looking back, when I first felt a call, I thought I could follow it in my own way. It was silly, really, to think that I was in charge of any of it, but that is my way. Mankind’s original and greatest sin is pride, and it is very strong in me. Little by little, I’ve come to the realization that I’m called to more than I want to give, but that’s the way of God’s call. I am not God, and it’s not my will that is the most important thing. A few years ago, when I went to the seminary, I thought that I could follow the path of a diocesan priest where I could continue to make some money, save up, do some freelance work, maybe secure myself a comfortable living. But God gave me a wanderlust that is more powerful than even my own pride. He knew that I couldn’t stay in one place long enough to join a diocese. He knew that the itch would prevent me from halfway following his call. The tingling I feel will take me all the way. I know holy orders are in my future, and now after seven years of trying to figure out just how I am going to deal with it, I can say with some measure of self-assuredness that it doesn’t matter. My part in the whole thing is so tiny, so insignificant, that in the end it doesn’t matter at all. God has set a path for me, and I’m going to follow it, whether I like it or not.

I have a whole lot more to say about all that, but I think I’ll wait for another post.